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Question:
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Who is meant to hold the baby at a Bris Milah?
Answer:
The person who holds the child on their lap or thighs during the Bris is called a Sandek;
this is considered a very great honour and is mentioned in the Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah
(265:11 in the glosses of the Rema). This honour is often given to the baby’s grandfather or
another close male relative, and in some circles it often given to a distinguished Rabbi.
The Rema also notes the custom not to give the honour of being a Sandek to a person who
previously acted as a Sandek for his sibling. So if the grandfather acted as a Sandek to his
grandson, then it is the practice that this same grandfather should not act a Sandek again
for the baby’s brother’s Bris. However, in general a person can be a Sandek more than once
where it does not involve siblings (as explained in the glosses of the Beis Hillel published
on the margin of the above quoted reference in Shulchan Aruch).
Further reading and notes:
Sandek: also pronounced Sandak or even Sandik as it appears in Sefer Maharil, Hilchos Milah.
The term is thought to be of Greek origin (Sefer Ha-aruch of R’ Natan of Rome), and means
“intercessor”.
On the father not giving the same person the Mitzvah of being the Sandek for another son,
this is quoted in the above mentioned Rema (Y.D 265:11), taken from the Maharil who quotes
Rabbenu Peretz. In the Sefer Maharil it states: “the Sandek’s Mitzvah is considered greater
than the Mohel’s Mitzvah, because his legs, used to support the child, are compared to the
Temple altar upon which was offered the Ketores, the incense offering. Therefore, based on
this Rabbenu Peretz wrote this is the reason why one does not repeat and give to the same
“Baal Bris” (Sandek), twice or three times, but for each son one chooses another Sandek,
since it is stated in the Talmud Yoma (26a), that a Kohen who offered the Ketores once was
not given it again, for the offering of the Ketores caused one to become wealthy, as stated
in the verse: “ … they shall place incense before Your Presence … “ (Deut. 33:11), which is
followed by: “Bless, L-rd, his substance ..” (v. 12). Thus the Mitzvah of the Ketores was
spread around in order to give more Kohanim the opportunity to receive the blessing of
wealth. So similarly we spread the Mitzvah of being a Sandek in order to give others the
opportunity of gaining wealth! The Vilna Gaon (Biur Hagro Y.D 265:46) asks if so, then a
person should never be allowed to act as a Sandek more than once. Furthermore he asks why do
we not see people becoming rich because they acted as a Sandek? He therefore suggests that
the source for this custom is based on the “Will” of Rabbi Yehudah Hachasid.
Rabbi Yechezkel Landau in his responsa (Noda Beyehudah 1, Y”D 86) records an answer to a
questioner if he would be allowed to use the same Sandek for another son, as he was finding
it difficult to find someone else who he really wanted. In dealing with the question, Rabbi
Landau raises numerous problems with the rationale of Rabbenu Peretz, and therefore considers
the comparison to the Kohanim with the Ketores as merely an “asmachta” – in other words a
supportive source but not the origin of the custom. He remains reluctant to offer a
conclusive answer on the matter since its source is not Talmudic. Further elaboration on this
is found in the Aruch Hashulchan (265:34), who concludes that the origin of this custom is
based on “Nistar”, i.e. Kabbalah, of which both R’Peretz and R’ Moshe Iserles (the Rema) were
masters, and suggests that the link with ketores is only used as a sort of rationale.
Therefore he urges that one should not transgress against the words of the Rema.
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