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Question:
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How a Left-handed Person Dresses
Who holds the baby at the Bris
A Question About Sacrifices
Is it permitted to call to the Torah a man who has married a woman not of the Jewish faith?
Does it make any difference if they live (openly) together rather than having undergone the
legal formality of marriage?
Answer:
The ruling of our Beis Din is where the person is a member of the U.S. and married out, he
may be called up as a chiyuv e.g. for a yahrzeit etc. There is really no distinction between
married or living with a non-Jewish partner. In the case of a kohen he would likewise be
called up but only as an acharon.
I was invited to a party after work with colleagues. I didn't think I would feel so
comfortable going out with them socially so I tried to say that I couldn't make it. However,
they said they felt that I would make more of an effort and so to avoid causing offence, I
said that I wasn't well on the day and didn't go. My friends said that I had lied to preserve
the peace and hence this was acceptable. Is this true?
Answer:
Dear Lara,
Socialising with work colleagues can be a challenge I suppose! Whilst I do not know the exact
circumstances of why you felt uncomfortable, you are of course anyway entitled to decline.
In the end you decided to tell a lie that you weren’t well, which friends say since it's to
keep the peace, is acceptable.
To preserve the peace by telling what we call a white lie is indeed permitted and absolutely
advisable! This is discussed in various sources.
The most famed reference in the Torah to this is in Genesis Chapter 18 verses 12-13 when
Sarah is told she will give birth to a son. Sarah laughs to herself saying: “After I have
withered shall I again have delicate skin? And my husband is old.” When G-d then spoke to
Abraham, the verse states: “Why is it that Sarah laughed saying: “Shall I …….though I have
aged…..” Note the change – Sarah had said about her husband being old, but G-d when speaking
to Avraham changed it to refer to herself! So it states in the Talmud Baba Metzia (87a) also
quoted in Rashi on the above verse (Gen.18-13), “It was taught in the school of Rabbi Yismael
great is peace that even G-d changed what Sarah had said to keep the peace”.
So, yes it is permitted to tell a white lie to “keep the peace”.
But let’s hope that they don’t keep asking you to join them for how long can you go on making
excuses!